CHE BELLO

I have watched my mother be mistreated her entire life. She passively accepts this, always finding a reason why leaving would be worse than staying. As a child I would sit up with her until 3 or 4 in the morning, when my stepfather would stumble in the doorway smelling of cigarettes and Budweiser, the gleam of neon bar lights still in his eye. I promised myself, perhaps subconsciously, that I would never follow her example, that I would never allow myself to be degraded that way. But that promise, those years of watching the antithesis of what I wanted for myself, have made me overly sensitive to the smallest problems. When the first thing goes wrong, no matter how insignificant, I panic and rationalize with myself about how I deserve better. This urge to value myself so highly has lead me to make mistakes — to leave people who loved me, to display a kind of arrogance that is unbecoming.

Perfection in a relationship is unattainable, but perfect happiness may not be. I have always sought the former at the expense of the latter and almost did so again. That’s the difficult realization: that I’ve been looking for a state that doesn’t exist.

I’ve had the best shopping luck lately! Earlier today we made a run to the Gap so Patrick could look for t-shirts (although I don’t know why anyone would pay that much for a t-shirt) and I found this perfect shoulder bag on clearance. The adjustable handle is wide enough to never be uncomfortable, no matter how heavily I pack the thing down with books, and it has a very sturdy inner pocket that’s plenty large for Alfred, my iPod Touch. Overall, this bag is perfection. It also comes in brown (available online) and a very bright green (that I saw in the store). But be warned, they want 6 dollars more for it online than I paid in-store.As for my other recent purchase, say hello to the cutest shoes on the face of the planet. Sure, I had to buy a size smaller than usual and now have a pretty gruesome blister on my little toe, but sacrifices must be made for amazing fashion. They’re so incredibly comfortable, and are wearable with almost any outfit. The very essence of summer shoes, these guys are fun and show a lot of ankle (and ankle tan lines, incidentally, which I’m working to get rid of). Now if only I had a beach-side wooden boardwalk to show them off on!

While perusing a photo gallery of CBFH, I came across this absolutely precious photo taken with his nieces at the Nim’s Island premiere. We would make such good double daddies, wouldn’t we? ::swoon::

Today marks a milestone on my journey to becoming the gloriously in-shape person I am inside. A mighty force against which I have struggled for all 20 years of my life has finally been vanquished. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, the blue sky through the clouds, and all of those other clichéd things that people see when they finally get things right. What was this earth-shattering occurrence, you ask?

I spent a weekend at my grandparents’ house and did not make an absolute and utter pig of myself on anything and everything in sight, specifically PopTarts, frozen mozzarella sticks, large Tupperware containers full of homemade chili and chicken salad, Doritos, Vanilla Wafers, and Breyers Vanilla ice cream. (Listing everything helps me resist it. The more I have to say its name the more I think about what it actually is and wonder why I ever wanted to put that in my body in the first place.)

I’m in the best shape of my life and things are only getting better. While I’ve not been particularly large for quite some time now, I’ve still hung on to that last spare tire around my midsection, thick enough to completely hide any muscle development going on whatsoever. But those days are over. I used my government tax refund check to hire a personal trainer for a month. I see him twice a week and I’ve already learned so much that on days when I don’t see him I can still get a killer workout. There have been days when I’ve been so sore that I can barely walk, but when you’re floating on that much self-esteem you never even feel it.

So here’s to a new me, uninhibited enough to be the person I’ve always wanted to be. Taking charge of my life and doing things my way, accepting no less. Come along for the ride?

A quick post today, but I’m working on a few others in my head for this week. Recently, I stumbled upon maybe the best thing that’s ever happened to me in life. It’s called Shop It To Me, and it’s basically an electronic personal shopper. You tell them the brands and designers you like, the kinds of items you’re interested in, and your measurements, and it sends you a daily e-mail with items from all different stores, both new stuff and stuff that’s on sale. It’s pretty much amazing and makes online shopping even more fun than it already was. Oh, and did I mention it doesn’t cost you anything? Yeah, see, I told you this was good.

Let me just make it clear, I am in no way affiliated with this product or any company involved with it, I’m just a satisfied user of their service who wanted to share.

www.shopittome.com

For the past week I’ve had at least one person every day reach my site through search engine results for “peen.”

Pick up your jaws, dear readers, as I am likewise shocked.

Now don’t get me wrong, I welcome the peen-searchers. Lookin’ for a little peen now and then never hurt anybody. But I don’t understand how they’re getting here, as I’ve never used that word on my blog (as confirmed by a Google site-specific search). But since you peen-searchers are here anyway, I’ll give you a tip: it’s much more likely that you’ll find said peen if you use a search term other than peen. You know, something erotic that’s actually used by people, unlike peen. Check urbandictionary.com for some alternatives, as I refuse to profane the good name of Che Bello with such filthy syllables.

Oh, and, by the way, I found some peen for you, peen-searchers:

I only said it was difficult being your friend because I knew I would never be attractive enough for us to be anything more, which is what I wanted at the time. I miss the friendship that I damaged.

I promised more posts about my religious wanderings, so here you go. From a sociological standpoint, I think American organized religion (or at least the varieties with which I have come into close contact) has abandoned the communal values religion it is supposed to espouse, instead warping religion into an arm of an overly capitalistic state. The way I see it, the overriding theme of religion is universal love. We’re promised a God who loves us and cherishes each of us as his own creation. This universalism is missing from most mainstream American churches — God’s love is reserved for the few who contribute to the building of a new super-huge sanctuary, or those who propagate the perfect family for the front of the church directory. Universalism isn’t a characteristic of the values espoused by most denominations anymore.

Also missing from the values I feel religion should be espousing is a responsibility to our fellow man. I’ve seen people pray for a big business deal to go through, and not half an hour later watched them pass by a hungry homeless person without blinking an eye. Organized religion, through telling people that God will give them the successes they desire if they behave, has made people believe that all they have to do is not screw up majorly and God will fill their wallets. American religious conservatives have married their religious views to their social and economic views: a concern for themselves first, and a strongly-held belief that individuals who work hard will be rewarded. I look around this country and see plenty of people who are working hard, and the only reward they’re getting is a big ol’ shaft from life, as they can’t afford healthcare for their children, or food to put on the table.

And where are the religious nutballs when that child has to go into the hospital? At their country club, sipping Michelob Ultras and thanking Jesus for helping them seal the deal on their new clients. I’m appalled by the arrogance and lack of humanity I see every day which, in my experience, has been bolstered by organized religion.

Here’s the deal, father. (And I know Father’s Day is a rotten time to do this, but you’re the one who brought it up. And if you’re going to continue to read my blog, then I think it’s appropriate to directly address you here.)

Stop trying to micromanage me and what I do or say here. Think about how much of my life I spent not being myself because of fears about how people would react. Think of how many wonderful friendships with people in my community I may have passed up because I was too afraid to come out and show everyone who I am. And then think about how destructive it is when you continue to try to influence my actions or presentation to others.

I’m tired of being censored, and I’m tired of being in the shadow of what you want me to do. So here’s the deal: it stops right now. I’m not trying to turn this into a huge fight, but I’m not going to put up with it any longer.

The next time you try to influence what goes on here, I’m going to post lots and lots of hardcore porn every day for a week. It’ll make my readers (well, a fair number of them) happy, and it will horrify you and maybe even show you that what I do here is not so bad. (Although even if it were bad, it would still be my prerogative to do so.) This isn’t the blog where you get to decide what to read or see. If you want one of those, start your own.

The end.

I’ve been struggling a great deal lately with the concept of religion. Having always been of a rather rigorously logical mindset, blind acceptance of supernatural forces doesn’t neatly mesh for me. But these are concerns for a later post, perhaps. I want to start a new series of posts which will serve to quickly summarize new academic research and break it down into easily digestible chunks. So much of academic writing (and I’m guilty, too) is inaccessible to anyone except experts in the field, what I see as a disservice to what we’re supposed to do as generators of knowledge. So today starts Che Bello’s Chronicle of Higher Education. Enjoy the first installment.

• Professor Richard Lynn of Ulster University has published a controversial paper in the journal Intelligence. His major claim is that increased intelligence leads to decreased likelihood of belief in God.
• A survey of members of the UK’s Royal Society fellows found that only 3.3% believed in God, and a parallel survey of members of the American National Academy of Sciences found a rate of only 7%.
• Gordon Lynch of Birkbeck College warns of the dangers of characterizing religion as primitive, which he says is “perhaps not the most helpful response” in an age dealing with problems of religion and cultural pluralism.
• Lynn’s study does not take into account social, historical, or economic factors which are widely believed to influence the likelihood of religious belief.

What do you think, dear readership? Are those of higher intelligence really less likely to believe in God? Do other conditions have greater impact on that likelihood, such as poverty, living in areas of endemic conflict, or being chronically ill? Do we risk angering the religious through studies like these and, if so, which should be more highly valued, pure intellectual curiosity or the social stability of a society which may subvert the truth?

Source: http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/256025