I know, that title made you all spin your heads almost off your shoulders because you couldn’t turn back to the computer fast enough. Me, the boy who pretty much just drifts through every day following whims and chance opportunities, is mustering what initiative he possesses to start making some firm decisions. But, y’know, it’s time. College is supposed to be about figuring out who you are and whatnot, and I think I’ve come nearly to the end of what needs to be discovered here. I know what I want for myself, and I know what that takes. The part I haven’t figured out yet is the concrete middle stage, the planning and training and accomplishing.
What got me thinking about all of this is my gym “routine,” if it can even be called that in air quotes. There really isn’t one. I try to run a 5k every day, but some days I run more, some days I’ll swap a mile for some time on the elliptical machine (which I know is a cop out because those things are so easy)…there’s no rhyme or reason to it. There’s no sense of training toward a goal of faster or farther. I haven’t been on a long run since the 10 miles I did back home over break. And weightlifting is the same way. I’ll think “oh, well, my arms aren’t sore today, so it must be time to use them again,” but there’s no progression. I’m flailing around and only getting more frustrated at the fact that I’m not getting what I want. Same goes for nutrition, and keeping my apartment tidy, and getting my work done for an amazing job that I should be happy to have.
So I think I’m going to start using this blog a little more in a different way — to hold myself accountable for reaching the goals I’ve set for myself. I’ve learned the tools, I’ve gained enough perspective to realize where I want to go and who I want to be, and starting right now I’m setting my plans in motion.
See! Decisive! It feels strangely good to act like I’m in charge of my own life!
PS, lots of inspiration came from reading the blog of a Cornell alum whom I love dearly. We performed in the same musical theatre troupe before she graduated. She lives in California now and is a graduate student in neuroscience. She’s amazingly talented and amazingly driven and amazingly amazing, and you should all start reading her blog if you’re the kind of person who would just randomly start reading the blog of an amazingly amazing person.