A little re-cap of some of my recent political ramblings, centered around four figures:
John McCain: The most striking thing about this war-mongering monster I’ve read recently comes from The Daily Mail’s Sharon Churcher, who tells us about his first wife Carol and their unbelievable divorce. A gorgeous swimsuit model when they married, Carol was horribly disfigured in a car accident while John was a prisoner-of-war in Vietnam. When he returned to the United States and saw his wife’s condition, McCain, unlike someone with family values would have behaved, began running around with other women, meeting his current wife Cindy, heiress-apparent to a large fortune, in Hawaii. He began pushing to divorce Carol soon thereafter, marrying Cindy just one month after the divorce proceedings were finished. To keep her quiet, McCain has been paying all of her medical bills since the divorce, and gave her a condo in Florida and a house in Alexandria, Virginia. The most gut-wrenching part of this story, however, is that Carol doesn’t see John as a horrible person, saying that he wanted to make up for lost time after being a prisoner of war for so long. In fact, she still supports his candidacy. (All of this seems to me like a defense mechanism to keep from admitting how horribly betrayed she feels, but I won’t make that assertion firmly, as it’s her business.) The bottom line: not only is McCain a hawkish Xerox of George W. Bush whose tax policies will only serve to further stratify our fragmented society, but he’s also a TOTAL DOUCHEBAG. Please, for the love of God, do not vote for this man. (You should also see Stephen’s most recent post if you’re even considering McCain as a viable choice.)
Michelle Obama: Somewhere underneath that calm demeanor and killer smile, there is a black woman. And as a gay man, I can understand how that black woman wants to react when she’s described on FOX news as “Obama’s Baby Mama.” So Michelle, honey, give me a call and you can vent. I won’t call the media, I won’t even blog about what you say, but I know you need to let it out. 478-718-1683. Use it, darlin’. You deserve the same respect given to any other candidate’s wife, and there’s no way that would be said about Cindy McCain. But in an effort to make it a little better, I’ll call her a low-class whore, which you most certainly are not.
Kathleen Sebelius: I believe in you. I think you are a fantastic administrator, and wished beyond wishing that your talents were being used here in my home state of Georgia instead of with the unappreciative Biblethumpers of that Republican wasteland known as Kansas. But, I digress. As much as I believe in you and as much as I would like to see Obama choose you as his running mate, I think it would be fundamentally wrong of him to do so. Hillary Clinton has become the shining beacon of female political ambition in this country, and to choose you as his running mate would be a direct insult to what she has built. Keep doing what you’re doing in Kansas, and your day will come. (With one minor modification, for your own good: find some way to build at least a minimally-lengthy foreign policy resume. Start writing for Foreign Affairs, something, anything.)
Michelle Malkin: In the immortal words of Miss Ouiser Boudreaux: “Eat shit and die.” (All I would add is “, you unbearable fucking bitch.”